he pathological fear of interaction with men

A Pathological LiarĪ compulsive liar will habitually exaggerate and embellish in an effort to be seen, heard, and inflate their fragile ego. It is impossible to have a genuine connection, relationship, or any kind of intimacy with these people. The relationship that you have with them will be just as bad as the one they have with themselves. Either way, a relationship with a pathological liar or a compulsive liar will be the worst relationship of your life. Although the definitions are fluid, I do think that there are differences. When lying gets out of control, it is referred to as compulsive. However… There’s a big difference between dating someone who has occasionally lied and someone who is a compulsive liar or even worse, a pathological liar. According to a study at the University of Massachusetts, sixty percent of people cannot even have a 10-minute conversation without lying at least one time. And so, you work harder to understand them instead of folding and getting the f*ck out of Dodge. You will hold onto the little crumbs of truth in their lies because deep down, you don’t believe that you are good enough for the whole truth. If you engage in self-deception, you will be that much more susceptible to excuse others when they lie to you. When it comes to dating or any kind of relationship, the level to which you deceive yourself will always mirror the toleration you have for others deceiving you. Self-respect and pathologically (or compulsive) lying cannot coexist.

Over time, I started to build respect for myself. I then started to attract better people and better relationships in my life.īy taking this step to improve myself, I had simultaneously improved the relationship with myself. I realized that although people may be hurt, disgusted, happy, sad, etc., from hearing my truth… At least they’d respect me for being honest. I got so sick of myself, my oversharing, the drama I had created, and my own bullsh*t, that the truth started to become less scary. I basically started to become more worried about the effects of my lies than people just knowing the truth. How I stopped being a compulsive liar is another post for another time. The funny thing is, I lied to keep people around when all it did was turn off the right people, trigger my abandonment issues, and in turn, attract toxic people who exploited the very insecurities that required me to lie on the compulsive level that I was. These identities are birthed by your shame, anger, fear of rejection, fear of judgment, insecurities, and pain. Having one identity is tough enough but when you lie, you have to keep up with multiple ones.

If I didn’t feel like my truth was so pathetic, I would never have felt the need to compulsively lie.Īnyone who lies habitually is on a self-made life raft that deflates very quickly until another lie is told.

And there is no lonelier place to be than the space of feeling like you have no worth. The root of the weed that lying is, will always be the liar’s belief that they are not enough. They would shame me to others behind my back in the name of expressing concern – instead of having a genuine concern to ask me if I was okay. A lot of it had to do with witnessing the adults lie and being around certain family members who were so insecure themselves, they got satisfaction from being the “Gotcha!” police. And there are a million more reasons why I continued to lie as a teenager and young adult.Ī lot of them had to do with the atmosphere I grew up in. There are a million reasons why I felt like I had no choice but to lie at such a young age. Without lying, everyone would be in on the joke that I embarrassingly tried to be the only one in on… T he extent to which we will justify the wrong of lying in the name of emotional survival is incredible.

I didn’t have the awareness that I do now, but I knew the difference between right and wrong. The lying continued well into my teens and early twenties. As I grew up, so did my self-deception, insecurities, and ability to paint an entirely different picture than, unbeknownst to me, most people could see right through. I had well-intended parents who taught me not to lie but in my little mind, there was no other choice. I was never a pathological liar but I definitely used to be a compulsive liar.Įarly in my childhood, lying became a habit that soon became a way of life. Before I get into the signs of dating a pathological liar, I want to give you some background on my own personal experiences with lying.

He pathological fear of interaction with men